


the stars are waiting

by lacklusterlesbian



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: AU, F/F, Gen, bit of a yasha character study, bit of angst, bit of found family, so angst but not because of that, this was written before ep 26
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 00:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15473277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacklusterlesbian/pseuds/lacklusterlesbian
Summary: I told theStars aboutYoud.j





	the stars are waiting

**Author's Note:**

> um this is a little bit of me projecting my headcanons on yasha. i kind of imagine her to be pretty anxious about not seeing the party all the time to bond with them. not exactly beau/yasha centric but it's there if you squint. like the tags say non-canon compliant because in this house we all love our alive purple tiefling(and i started this right before that episode). this is my first critical role fic so i hope it's okay. unbetaed, we die like men. 
> 
> song suggestion for this: boats and birds by gregory and the hawk.

I told the  
Stars about  
You

d.j

 

Yasha had known constellations for as long as she could remember. She had a connection to the stars she could only describe as spiritual and interwoven in nature. There was no other explanation as to how she knew them so well, but even her knowledge was a bit beyond what she maybe should know. 

Her companions oftentimes were in a big rush, excited for their next big adventure at all times. She was just happy to be on the road, to keep moving. 

Yasha preferred to be on the move, as opposed to staying in cities and even towns. It was stifling and slightly terrifying to be surrounded by so many different people and things that had their own purpose, their own destiny. 

It was much simpler being in their little group, the Mighty Nein a strong party even if they stopped every once in a while to get paid for a job or were robbed or kidnapped. 

Sometimes things were easier to not be in the group at all. 

Sometimes, when she was feeling overwhelmed, the Stormlord knew, and would come for her in the night. It was hard to admit that sometimes she could not bear to be around them, but it was true. She preferred the stillness of being alone, as opposed to the rush and tumbling group, or town, or city. 

Yasha loved looking at the sky when she was alone, because of her patron, but also because of the fact that the heavens looked so beautiful through the clouds and the shadows. 

The stars looked lovely, and sometimes she could swear they spoke to her. 

Not in the way one speaks to another, or even in the way one speaks to a god, something somehow more intimate but also apart. The way the stars spoke to her... it was like magic. Something innate within her that she couldn't help but acknowledge. There was no real words or anything definable, but she understood. 

The communication was almost effortless, even if she didn't entirely know why they would talk to her. There was no real purpose, as far as she could discern, merely a want or need to communicate with someone who understood them. 

One day, she decided to talk back. Just a simple thing, about how she had been missing her friends. Her mission from the Stormlord had taken longer than usual, and while she was loathe to admit it she had grown to like their small band of adventurers. She really missed them. 

The stars seemed to respond in their own way, but they certainly recognized what she was saying. They gave the impression that they would like to hear more from her, so she obliged, talking of simpler things like how her day had gone. 

"It has been rough, I admit. Being on my own is not the same when there are people out there who love and care for me. I know I knew the circus folk for longer, but they were far too intimidated by me to bother trying to talk to me. Molly was the only one who cared overtly. But with this new group.... they seem more put together... more like a family built with me in mind, rather than just built around me. It's... nice. I... I like them."

\--------------------------

Of course, many things were not built to last. Yasha managed to catch up to the group in the midst of yet another fight, them working their way through a quest a nearby village had assigned them. 

It was, apparently, supposed to be a very simple eradication of some mice. What the village had failed to tell the party, however, was that these were gigantic mice, easily the size of Nott, and there were a lot more than the Mighty Nein had anticipated. 

Yasha had ran up in the middle of Molly almost getting his hand bitten off, slicing through the enormous thing without hesitation. 

Many slices later and Jester oddly collecting the ears, the group rejoiced at her return. 

"It is good to have you back, Yasha." Caleb said, genuinely. Beau nodded her agreement and Molly gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"Yasha, dear, it really is lovely to have you back. I am happy to see you again."

Yasha glanced over at her long time friend and gave a shy smile in return. "It is good to be back." She paused for a moment. "Do you think we could eat these? They are rather big." Yasha said, more to the open air than anyone in particular.

Fjord choked on his water, and Nott seemed almost overeager. "That's a wonderful idea, thank you Yasha."

The two of them began to round up the remains, while the rest of the Nein watched on in muted horror, or in Jester's case, with an earnest anticipation. "I would like to try some mice. It is not the same as rats though, technically, so do you think it will taste weird?"

Yasha shrugged amicably, as Nott answered, "I doubt it. Betcha' it'll taste nearly the same. Nothing matches quite up with a good rat, but I'm sure mouse is a close second."

"Okay." Jester replied, bouncing for a moment before seeming to realize if she helped it might go faster. "Come on, you guys, the mice won't cook themselves and we're at least a day's journey away from the village."

With a barely audible sigh, Beau proceeded to join them, receiving looks of terror from their other friends. With the four of them, they managed to gather quite a few bodies. Yasha gave a subtle glance in Beau's direction, and got a wink in return. "Do you really just eat stuff like this in Xhorhas?'

"Yes. Nothing quite beats a rat, as Nott said, but mice are native to my home as well."

Beau nodded in return. "I don't think a place with just rats and mice to eat would work well with my family. They would hate it."

"Maybe they just need some education in taste."

"Yeah, or maybe they could get down from their high horses and join us commoners, eh?"

The woman nodded at Beau, and began to pile wood together. Yasha glanced towards Caleb. "Start a fire, magic man?"

With a woosh, a fire had begun. 

"I mean, it's like, not that different from eating a deer or something, right? Like, a chicken, maybe?"

\--------------------------------------

Yasha was startled awake by a call from her god. She glimpsed around, quietly, at her friends, their breathing mostly slow except for Nott and Caleb, who were on watch. 

She glanced up at the sky, clouds beginning to overtake the view of the stars. 

She looked over at her friends again, Molly rolled up tightly in his tapestry, seeming to be caught in the middle of a dream, his legs shifting occasionally and his fist tightly closed. She looked at Beau, then, the woman somehow managing to sleep in what appeared to be a very uncomfortable position while also snoring loudly.

Yasha breathed out, and then shifted out of her bedroll, and casually began to pack her things. She had gotten paid for their last couple missions, staying with the group perhaps a little longer than usual. It was nice to be with them. She was certain she would miss them dearly while she was gone.

"Leaving, again?" Caleb said, his faint accent barely noticable. 

Yasha nodded, hoisting her bag onto her shoulders. "I have... my responsibilities."

"We'll miss you." Nott whispered. 

She nodded once more, and then began to walk out of the circle of firelight, already missing its warmth and her friends' presence.

She glanced at the sky again, watching the storm begin to develop, a sudden need to get where she needed to go filling her up. The storm seemed to feel as she did, as it began to crackle and she could see the faintest shine of lightning within her eyesight. 

It began to rain heavily, and as she looked at the heavens she marveled at the beauty her Stormlord could create, the structure and the nothingness within it. 

Without a real purpose, she began to whisper, hoping that perhaps the stars could hear her, even with her god in the way.

\--------------------------

When Yasha came back to the party again, they were back in Zadash, despite Molly's urgency to leave in the past. She vaguely wondered if he had forgotten, then figured he wanted something inside of the city more than he wanted to be totally safe.

Taking risks seemed to come with the job.

When she found them at their usual inn, they seemed to be trying to draw attention to themselves, the rowdy way they celebrated another successful battle. Yasha managed to snag a seat beside Beau without too much attention being drawn to her, before the woman slid a drink into her hand and cheered yet again, seemingly more immersed in a card game with Molly than taking the time to fully bring everyone's attention to her.

Yasha was thankful for the fact that her friends didn't seem to make too much of a big deal out of it, merely clapping her on the back and welcoming her back into the fold, the seemingly always open invitation to join Beau and Jester in their room or Fjord and Molly in theirs.

They stayed down in the tavern for quite a while, first inviting her to join their game and then recounting the adventures they had been on without her. Yasha stared at the group in silence for a long while, just happy to be back with them. 

Listening to Jester talk about her Traveler, and Molly talk about the smiles he had spread, reading random fortunes for people, she sat still. She watched Fjord describe his struggle to keep control over their party, and Caleb outline his never ending quest for books. Yasha listened silently to Nott relate her story of going out by herself just to have a quiet meal as a normal girl.

She watched, enraptured, when Beau described yet another fight she had gotten into, complete with actual acted out punches, and Jester acting as her opponent, pretending to faint over her prowess. Yasha smiled at all of her friends' stories, but most of all Beau's, because she had clearly been trying to show off, and try as she might to avoid it, she was a little flattered, if not downright amused.

Yasha waved off all of her friends, staying down in the tavern long after everyone had gone upstairs. Jester had been the the last to go, silently offering her support if she wanted it, and less silently talking Yasha's ear off, but she was happy for the distraction.

Once everyone had gone upstairs, she ordered a stronger drink than what the party had been drinking earlier, and knocked it back. She sighed, looking up to the ceiling and imagining her friends sleeping upstairs. 

The thing about leaving them all the time was, eventually, they would grow closer, and she would stagnate. They were all her friends, of course, but there was a place in their group that she was just not really able to fit into properly anymore. She had watched the way Caleb and Molly stared at each other, how Nott and Jester were talking about some mystery or another that they had solved, the easy way Fjord and Beau interacted, him correcting her whenever she said something too outrageous.

Yasha paid the barmaid, and then walked out into the street, hands fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Slowly, she walked to a more barren part of the city, less crowded with people and buildings, and found a tree to lay against.

She looked at the stars through the branches of the tree, and stared for a long while.

The twinkle that was almost always there, pulling her in, urging her to tell her how she was doing was no less persistent that night. She stared for a long while, just glancing at the way they seemed to want her, to enjoy her company. Yasha knew her friends believed in her, and thought her cause just, even if she was stingy on the details. She knew they loved her. She saw that in the way Jester stuck around, in Molly's gentle forehead kisses. 

It was just... overwhelming, at times, she supposed. The idea that there were people in the world willing to stand beside her through thick and thin apart from her god was, to say the least, still new for her. 

"I feel like one day... I just won't be able to find them again... and they'll wonder, for a while, where I've gone, or what happened, but... eventually it'll slip their mind. It's not their fault," She said, gazing at a constellation, "It's just what happens when you aren't involved. At some point, it doesn't really matter."

"That's bullshit." A familiar voice said, from a little ways in front of her. "We could never forget you, Yasha. If you couldn't find us, we'd find a way to find you."

She glanced away from the stars, towards where Beau was standing. She blinked slowly, then allowed her gaze to drift away from Beau, back to the heavens.

"Don't think for a second that we would leave you behind." Beau said, dropping into the grass beside her and leaning a little into Yasha's gaze, slightly blocking her view.

She closed her eyes. "I know it probably doesn't mean much to you, Beau, but sometimes... sometimes things just don't work out."

Beau slumped on top of Yasha, her back to her chest, so she was looking at the stars as well. "I call bullshit. We'll work out. We're not the Mighty Nein for nothing."

"Beau...." Yasha shifted, leaning more up against the tree so Beau's head was on her stomach. She gazed down into her eyes for a moment. "I know you want everything to figure itself out.... but I just don't think it's in the cards for me."

"Don't trust Molly's cards, they aren't worth the silver piece he spent on them." 

The sudden levity gifted Beau with startled laughter for a brief second, and then a generous smile. "Not quite the cards I was talking about... but I appreciate your trust in... our friend."

"Of course. I still don't know why Jester falls for his bullshit. It's obviously fake. He just says what she wants to hear."

"Maybe a little bit of hope isn't so bad." Yasha looked back up at the sky, her vision more obscured now by the branches in the trees.

"Sounds a little optimistic, even for you, Yasha."

"Maybe so."

"Who were you talking to, before? The Stormlord?" Beau stretched, sitting up and looking at Yasha.

The goth woman hummed quietly. "I was... speaking with the stars, actually."

"You can... you can talk to the stars?" The question was spoken quietly, awe soaking her voice.

"In some ways.... yes. I hope they listen to me, but it is hard to get a read on their responses. Most of the time, it is just... 'tell me more, tell us more'... it is... hard to describe..."

"That's so fucking cool, Yasha, I wish I could talk to the stars like that." Beau said, lying down next to Yasha instead, breathing even more quietly than before.

"If... you, would like, I could, perhaps, talk to them with you..." The taller woman trailed off, not looking directly at Beau.

"That... would be awesome, Yash." The woman with the darker skin looked happy at this development.

"O...kay. I will tell them some of my journey, if that is alright. I do not know if they were watching or not." Yasha began to speak in an even softer tone, directing her voice to the midnight sky. "I missed my friends a lot this journey. There wasn't a great many paths to take, but I imagined what they would do and held that with me..."

\--------------------------

"I think this is the best option." Caleb said, pointing a trail across the map sat in front of the group.

"That sounds alright to me. We might even be able to visit Kiri on the way, if we drift a little to pass by Hupperdook." Jester replied eagerly, the brightness in her eyes showing her excitement better than anything else.

"That sounds like a decent plan to me." Fjord chimed in.

"We could still always take the Gentleman's other job." 

"Be quiet about it already, Molly. We put it to a vote, things just didn't work out in your favor."

"If you think for a moment I don't know the reason you were the deciding vote on this quest, Beau, you've got another thing coming. Voting just to mess with me is dumb." Molly said, sending a glare Beau's way.

"I mean, if you think it isn't a just cause, then you're the one who's wrong, Molly."

"Now, now," Fjord said. "We've already decided, there's no need to fight."

"Easy for you to say..." Nott mumbled, arms crossed. She was also pouting from the groups decision.

They sat in one of their rooms in the city, and their huffiness was mainly just the party joking around with each other. 

Fjord glanced around the room. "Unless there are any objections, I s'pose we're gonna go with Caleb's plan?"

"What do you think, Yasha?" Nott asked, pulling lightly on her pant leg to get her attention.

Yasha had been staring out the window, where a light rain was beginning to take place. She was enraptured, but snapped out of it. "I'm... sorry. I do not think I will be much help with this."

Beau glanced out the window as well. "D'you need to leave again, Yasha?"

The quiet woman nodded her head slowly, glancing outside again as the rain began to beat down harder.

"Maybe you could meet us in Hupperdook?" Jester said. "I'm sure Kiri misses you."

Yasha nodded her assent, grabbing her small bag. "I will... see you all soon."

As she began to turn towards the door, the party suddenly crowded around her. They started to hug her gently, an unexpected gesture from them for her.

"We care about you so much, Yasha. Please come safely back to us."

"Yes. No more leaving without saying goodbye." Jester said.

"Beau said.... you told her you missed us when you leave.... so I got this for you to remember me by... because I know you have a big ol' crush on me." Nott said, holding out a delicately formed flower crown.

"I got this for ya." Fjord held out a carefully crafted dagger, the pommel set with a greenish blue stone. "It probably won't be that effective for yer fighting style, but if you need another weapon, you have this."

"This is for you, darling." Molly showed her a small purple and gold trinket, and began to hastily braid it into her hair.

Slowly, the Mighty Nein gave her mementos to help her remember all her friends while she was away. 

Last of all, Beau held out a small blue piece of fabric, carefully tying it around the much larger woman's wrist. "Whenever you miss us, just remember we're all with you, just looking up at a different portion of the stars."

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed. feel free to comment, i will try my best to reply. it took quite a while for me to write this so don't expect much from me in terms of more content. it takes a while for me to churn out something mildly decent.


End file.
